


500 miles

by hh9407



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Long Distance Relationship, M/M, takostation 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-13 12:59:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16018421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hh9407/pseuds/hh9407
Summary: Takostation Round #3 for Prompt #1: Chanyeol and Kyungsoo just recently started dating. However, Kyungsoo accepted an offer to study PhD for 4 years in an overseas prestigious university. Together, they overcome the crazy issues that comes along with long distance relationships.





	500 miles

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic fest and I was seriously nervous to do it. I procrastinated so bad during the last week/days before the submission because it's getting long and I want to finish it already but I couldn't find a way to do so without cutting off parts I think would make up for it. But I hope this is at least decent in some way. I hope you enjoy it! <3

“Do you really have to go?”

Chanyeol still hasn’t wrapped his mind over the fact that Kyungsoo is leaving. He is not just going to some other province or town where he will spend a few weeks and then come back. He is going to be in another country, a whole different place where Chanyeol couldn’t reach him whenever he wants to.

He wouldn’t be able to drive to his place, wouldn’t be able to see him at a moment’s notice. There’s no way he would be able fly all the way to the United States to see his boyfriend and come back home at the end of the day.

It is inconvenient, to say the least, and there are reasons why he thinks so.

It is expensive to fly to and fro and only spend a few days with him. Though it would still be worth it because he would be with Kyungsoo, he doesn’t see it as practical. Surely Kyungsoo would think so, too. His job wouldn’t let him leave for weeks on end without anyone replacing his post. He doubts anyone would want to cover his weeks of absence. And lastly, he would feel out of place. He doesn’t know how to speak their language and visiting Kyungsoo means hanging out with the friends he will make there. It is inevitable.

They aren’t the only reasons but they are the most pressing ones in his opinion.

The arms he wounded around Kyungsoo still haven’t loosened. The moment he lets go, reality would come crashing down on him, weighing on his shoulders until he gets buried deep. He knows at one point he has to, but for now, he wants to hold onto him a little longer, remember the feeling of having him in his arms like this, so close.

Kyungsoo’s perfume is seeping through his nose, the pungent smell that is so Kyungsoo but at the same time, so unlike him. To anyone else who doesn’t know him, they would say he is a reserved person, prefers to keep to himself and stays in the background most of the time.

It was the first impression he had of him too, he must admit.

Until this day, Chanyeol can still remember that first summer they met, how Kyungsoo exuded such a nonchalant air, very calm but also very demanding at the same time. His presence called Chanyeol’s attention, making his gaze flicker to the younger at random times whenever his eyes caught a glimpse of the other’s figure.

He recalls it so well; how Kyungsoo’s deep voice and hearty laughter had him staring at the guy. Baekhyun had to nudge him a couple of times, that mischievous glint in his eyes told him that he didn’t miss the way Chanyeol’s gaze lingered at Kyungsoo a moment too long.

Chanyeol ignored him but not after admitting that he found Kyungsoo pretty… interesting.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t find Kyungsoo attractive. The man is stunning in his own way. It’s not the kind of beauty that Baekhyun and Yixing have, the kind that makes people turn their heads when they pass by.

Kyungsoo’s beauty is more subtle. Even though he possesses really prominent features, it’s his presence what Chanyeol found to be so inviting while also being very tame. It doesn’t call for the attention of just about anyone, only those who dare take another look. And once one notices, they’re already hooked.

Everyone in his circle of friends knows what his type is and he couldn’t deny his attraction even if he tried. They would call it bullshit before he even uttered a word.

Baekhyun cornered him that night while he was sitting on the front steps of their cottage. He had that shit eating grin thrown Chanyeol’s way and he wanted to punch it off his face so that he wouldn’t see it in his life ever again.

He pretended not to notice his presence and continued with his game but Baekhyun, as always, was persistent. _“So Kyungja? You can’t be any more obvious, Chan.”_

So really, Kyungsoo is Chanyeol’s kind of guy—shorter than him, cute but also exudes masculinity—and he had been since day one.

“Chanyeollie,” Kyungsoo calls out, fond and sweet, as he taps on the taller man’s back, bringing him back to reality. “I have to go now. They’re calling for my flight.”

Chanyeol didn’t hear the last call for Kyungsoo’s flight. He was busy taking in every little about his boyfriend before he goes away.

He reluctantly lets go, looks down at Kyungsoo’s face and lifts a hand to cup his cheek, thumb brushing gently against his smooth skin. He wants to remember what he feels like under his touch, the warmth he gets from being this close to him. He lets his hand linger there a few seconds longer and Kyungsoo lets him.

After a moment, he sighs, letting his hand fall down on his side.

“I will miss you,” Chanyeol repeats for the nth time. He already lost count how many times he said that since they left home. “I will really miss you, Kyungsoo-yah.”

So the thing is, Chanyeol thought he wouldn’t have any tears to shed. He bawled his eyes out last night while he clinged to Kyungsoo, telling him over and over how much he will miss him and that he has to call him every day. He spent the remaining hours just being close to his boyfriend, kissing him and doing it with him one last time, or maybe three more, before he’s finally due to leave.

But right now, when Kyungsoo is due to board his flight, the tears just start falling on their own accord. Chanyeol is wiping his cheeks free from tears, sniffing as he tries to control his emotions.

Kyungsoo chuckles and reaches up to wipe his boyfriend’s tears with his handkerchief. “I will call you everyday like I said, Chanyeollie. Stop crying. You’re making it even harder for me to leave.”

“That’s good. Then maybe you will just stay,” he replies stubbornly, though he doesn’t mean it. He doesn’t want to be the person to hinder Kyungsoo from achieving his dreams.

It only made the younger man laugh. Kyungsoo shakes his head, his hands now gripping his suitcase. “I’ll let you know when I land, okay? I’ll miss you, too. So much.”

Kyungsoo pushes himself up on his tiptoes, placing a lingering kiss on his boyfriend’s lips, also trying to commit to memory the feeling of Chanyeol’s chapped lips on his. He can taste the saltiness of his tears on his lips when he pulls away. “I’ll see you soon, Chanyeollie.”

Chanyeol fails to say anything back, just nods weakly. He’s sobbing uncontrollably, his hand clutching the handkerchief that Kyungsoo left for him as he watches his boyfriend’s figure get smaller and smaller until he gets lost in the crowd and is out of Chanyeol’s sight.

 

Kyungsoo kept his word and sent Chanyeol a message when he landed. He even added a picture of himself, the airport as his background, with the message _“I wish you were here with me, Chanyeollie <3”_

It was around three in the morning when Kyungsoo sent it, while Chanyeol was deep in sleep and dreaming about Kyungsoo petting his hair and whispering sweet nothings to his ear.

 

The first thing Chanyeol does when he wakes up is check his phone. With bleary eyes, he blindly reaches for it on the bedside table, one eye closed as he enters his pin. Upon seeing Kyungsoo’s name, he immediately perks up, opening his message in haste to be greeted by his boyfriend’s subtle smile that he loves so much.

Chanyeol groans, rolling to his side as he stares at the picture that is smiling back at him.

God, he already misses the man and it hasn’t even been a day.

Chanyeol saves the picture before he sends a quick text to him: _I’m glad you landed safely! That picture only makes me miss you more :( Hit me up whenever you can, I know you’re still settling in your new place. Keep safe, Soo-yah! <3_

The picture naturally becomes Chanyeol’s wallpaper. He stares at it for a few moments, rubbing his thumb on his screen with a sigh. “This is going to be a very long year.”

 

“How are you coping so far?” Baekhyun asks over a cup of coffee.

His friend invited him the night before, telling him he shouldn’t lock himself up in his room, reminding him that he still has them in Seoul.

Chanyeol only came to prove a point; he really didn’t feel like going out.

If he thought that it’s only Baekhyun who wanted answers from him, Yixing definitely makes him rethink that. He’s looking at Chanyeol intently as if waiting for an answer to the question Baekhyun throws his way.

He doesn’t know what they want him to say. Baekhyun knows him enough to know that Chanyeol isn’t coping well, that Kyungsoo’s absence is giving him a hard time sleeping at night. If he didn’t know better, he would think they’re betting on him to see how long he would last before he breaks down and calls them to whine how much he misses his boyfriend.

It has been two weeks. Of course he misses Kyungsoo. That much should be obvious.

Though he feels that heavy weight on his chest, clenching tightly whenever he thinks of him, there’s really nothing he can do but to wait, and wait patiently. Kyungsoo is in some other country. He’s not gone for good and Chanyeol holds onto that thought, clinging tightly to it like a lifeline.

“Better than I thought,” he lies after taking a sip of his coffee, scrunching his nose when it tasted too sweet to his liking. “We talk almost every night so it makes it a bit easier. Besides, I’m writing a song for him so it distracts me a bit from it.”

“That’s good to hear. We were worried you would’ve already hung yourself in your room. You always go straight home. You never spend time with us anymore” Baekhyun sounds genuinely worried, his lips jutted out in a pout as he rests his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Seeing them like this is like a stab in his chest but he really can’t tell them to stop it when they have every right to do what they want to even in Chanyeol’s presence. He just wishes that Kyungsoo is right there with him, too.

Yixing nods in agreement, eyes soft as he looks at Chanyeol. “Jongdae’s been whining about not seeing you. He even went to your work place but you weren’t there.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “It’s just that Kyungsoo calls around that time so I hurry home.”

The couple nods in understanding but it’s Yixing who speaks. “Well, if you’re free this weekend, you can tell us what time we can go out so it isn’t in conflict with your calls?” There’s a hopeful tone in his voice and Chanyeol doesn’t have the heart to turn him down. No one really can say no when it’s Yixing asking.

“And update us on your song! I want to hear it okay?” Baekhyun chimes in.

He chuckles, nodding. “I will. And I guess, I’ll do a rain check? He usually calls around seven so I just need to get back home before then,” he says smiling at the pair, his hands playing with the cup as his eyes cast down it.

 

Chanyeol rolls over so he’s lying on his stomach, hands outstretched to hold the phone away from his face. He’s on Skype with Kyungsoo but the other seems so occupied that he barely looks at the screen while he’s talking to Chanyeol.

“Soo, we can hang up if you’re busy,” he tells him, worrying that he’s being a bother to his boyfriend. Though he really wants to talk to him, he can swallow the lump in his throat that’s starting to form just at the thought of ending the call so early. He hasn’t seen his face for two days already, and now he’s too busy to even look at his screen to talk to him.

“It’s okay, Chanyeollie. I’m just finishing something. I’ll be done in a bit,” Kyungsoo assures him. “Give me ten minutes.”

All Chanyeol can see is the top of his hair, his cute little ear. It’s not even a glimpse of his cheek or his eye. He wants to see him, stare at him until it’s time for them to hang up. He can only hope that he will be able to dream of him again in his sleep.

“What are you doing? Do you already have papers due this early? You just started,” he inquires.

Kyungsoo finally looks up, his face so close to the camera that it’s zoomed in on Chanyeol’s screen. Chanyeol giggles.

“It’s not a paper per se. We were given a script and were asked to do revisions however we want. I’m trying to figure out what could be good replacements for the ones I found somehow oddly placed,” Kyungsoo explains, his face still close to the camera, his gaze is back on the paper in his hand. Chanyeol pouts.

He doesn’t want to keep Kyungsoo from his work but he really wants his attention right now. All he did the past days was school work, research, hang out with his classmates. Chanyeol wants some of that attention.

“Can’t you do it later?” he asks and regrets right away how bratty he sounded. “I mean, can’t it wait? You seem to be caught up in it. Maybe a break will help?”

Kyungsoo looks up again before a sigh escapes his lips. He leans back on his chair, removing his glasses and massages the bridge of his nose, eyes closed.

Chanyeol wants to be there. He wants to be the one to massage the bridge of his nose. He loves seeing Kyungsoo visibly relax whenever he does it. It’s a sight he will never get tired of, not even if he does it over and over for him.

A memory from before they were together makes him smile as he looks at his boyfriend, a slight tug at the corner of his lips as it plays in his mind like it was just yesterday. His experience that day will forever be on his top five most embarrassing moments and he’s pretty sure Kyungsoo still remembers that day so well, too.

Chanyeol learned about Kyungsoo’s poor eyesight the hard way, thought he was glaring at him when the other simply forgot his glasses at home. It bothered him for days and even asked his friends if he did something to make Kyungsoo mad. Of course, none of them knew.

When the time came for him to be ready to face Kyungsoo, he wished that it didn’t have to come.

The look on Kyungsoo’s face that showed amusement of all things only put him in an even more embarrassing position. If Chanyeol looked at it in a brighter way though, seeing Kyungsoo doubling in laughter because of it was worth it.

Chanyeol sighs. God, he really wishes he could be there.

“You should take a rest first, Soo. You’re straining your eyes again,” he brings out softly, letting his worry drip with every word, not hiding it one bit.

“I’m okay. I’ll just… take a break. I think I need it, too,” says Kyungsoo. He puts his eyeglasses down on the table before he leans closer, crossing his arms on the desk. His face is so close to the screen that it’s being captured bright and clear. “I’m really okay, Chanyeollie,” he assures him.

Chanyeol takes a screenshot because he can.

“You’re overworking yourself. It’s just the beginning of classes. Don’t stress over it just yet,” he chastises, shaking his head disapprovingly. “If I have to tell you every time to take a break, I will wake up in the middle of the night just to do it.”

Kyungsoo smiles, the kind where he keeps his mouth closed but makes his eyes crinkle at the sides. Chanyeol’s stomach flips. “There’s no need for that, Yeol. I will take a break when I need to.”

“Well you didn’t take a break until I told you to, did you?” Chanyeol retorts, rolling his eyes.

Kyungsoo chuckles softly, tilting his head to the side as his smile grows wider. “I really miss it when you scold me when I don’t take a break. I get lost in time when I work so I was really grateful that you kept reminding me. Now no one does.”

Chanyeol’s eyebrows shoot up to the roof. “Is this you telling me you’ve been pushing yourself too hard, Doh Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo suddenly bursts out laughing, a deep ramble from his chest coming out full and bright. Chanyeol can’t help but stare at his screen, savoring the sound of his laughter and the way his eyes turn to slits. He misses that sound on a daily basis and hearing it makes him want to be with Kyungsoo even more, wants to be close to him, arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s little frame while they laugh their hearts out.

He wants Kyungsoo back home.

“I was kidding. We haven’t done anything, yet,” he replies, his laughter slowly dying down. “You’re really cute, Chanyeollie.”

The wide smile that Kyungsoo flashes him, all pearly whites and heart-shaped lips, had Chanyeol’s heart beating like crazy, like it’s going to jump out of its cage any time soon. It still surprises him how Kyungsoo can make his heart flutter from thousands of miles away.

Chanyeol pretends not to be affected by anything as he says, “You better. Or I swear be flying there to whack your head.” He huffs, but breaks into the widest smile afterward. Kyungsoo’s smile had always been contagious.

 

“You mean you’ve been staying up late recently so you can talk to Kyungsoo?” Jongdae asks in surprise, wide eyes and raised brows, his fries hanging in the air as he looks back at Chanyeol. “No wonder you look like you didn’t catch an hour of sleep whenever I see you at work.

Chanyeol doesn’t mind waiting for Kyungsoo. His boyfriend is busy with school work and it is Chanyeol that has the leisure of adjusting his schedule for his boyfriend. Besides, he doesn’t really stay up for him. He sleeps early and wakes up when the other calls. It is a little inconvenient to be woken up in the middle of a peaceful sleep but sacrifices need to be made.

He shrugs, pops a fry in mouth before he turns to Jongdae. “I gotta do what I gotta do.”

“That’s dedication, man. I wish Yixing stays up late for me too whenever he’s in China,” Baekhyun says, completely unaware of the light punch that’s coming his way after he said that.

As always, Baekhyun exaggerates the pain and leans against his boyfriend, apologizing to him and telling him he’s joking.

Jongdae rolls his eyes at Baekhyun’s antics before he turns to him, resting his cheek on the palm of his hand with an expression that Chanyeol couldn’t quite point out. Curiosity? Worry? He doesn’t know.

“I’m actually surprised you’re able to deal with it. I know it has only been almost a month but you are especially clingy when it comes to him. No offense.”

Chanyeol can’t disagree. Jongdae is right anyway. When Kyungsoo was still in Seoul, he would always be attached to his hip, clinging as closely as he could and being all touchy. Baekhyun said Kyungsoo isn’t the type to be into skinship but he never once complained that Chanyeol was being too much.

He didn’t believe believe he’s that bad but when their friends said he’s worse than Sehun whenever Luhan’s around, he contemplated his actions. It didn’t stop him for wanting to be close to Kyungsoo though.

In his defense, they just recently got together, like a newly-wed on their honeymoon. Almost three months of dating and Kyungsoo was already bound to leave. He knew it beforehand but when the time for him to leave was getting closer, Chanyeol had been the clingiest he had ever been.

Time is gold, they say.

“Do you want me to be honest?” he says, his eyes downcast and paying the fries more attention than his companion.

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Well, duh?”

“Shut up.”

He shoves a few fries in his mouth. He then takes a moment, chewing the fries and then sipping his drink all while Jongdae looks at him, waiting.

“I really want him back,” he starts, pausing for a second. “Whenever I talk to him, I just keep missing him more, you know? It should make me feel better but it only makes me realize how far and unreachable he is.”

There are times that he wants to cry when he’s on the phone with Kyungsoo. Seeing his face should make it more bearable for him to be apart but in Chanyeol’s case, it’s only making it worse. He feels like he’s going through withdrawal and every second that Kyungsoo is away makes it harder for him, like he can’t breathe, like every sound that Kyungsoo makes is a jab at his chest. At this point, there are about a hundred scars lining his skin.

“It really sucks. I know it hasn’t been that long but it is hard.” Chanyeol looks at Jongdae apologetically. “I’m sorry for not hanging out with you guys, I don’t want to be a downer so I run back home even if i have a few hours to spare before he calls.”

Chanyeol’s shoulders sag. He leans back on the booth with his bottom lip pushed out in a pout. He never wanted to make his friends feel bad or to worry them unnecessarily. He’s a grown ass man and he can deal with his emotion on his own without involving other people.

He winces when Jongdae flicks his forehead, his hand flying up to rub the spot he hit and glares at the other. It’s only then that he notices the couple’s attention is already back to him.

“You’re an idiot, Yeol,” Baekhyun states, head resting on Yixing’s shoulder, an arm linked around his boyfriend’s. “Do you think we weren’t worrying when you locked yourself in for days?”

“We actually thought you were planning to harm yourself in there, I’m not gonna lie,” Jongdae says. He’s already sat back on the booth, arms crossed.

Chanyeol looks at them, rubbing the back of his neck. He didn’t realize he’s worrying them more by distancing himself. He just felt like he’d bring the mood down if he suddenly cried out of nowhere. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“Does Kyungsoo know this?” Yixing wonders, trying to catch Chanyeol’s eyes but to no avail.

The taller man shakes his head. “He doesn’t need to know. I’m happy whenever we talk.”

“But it’s hard for you to talk to him,” Baekhyun points out.

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t tell him and I won’t. He’s out there doing his best, the least I can do is not be annoying,” he says with finality, wanting to dismiss it already. He stubbornly takes a handful of fries and shoves everything in his mouth, trying his best to avoid the pointed look his friends give him.

The three couldn’t do anything but look at each other and sigh.

 

Chanyeol has been excited since Kyungsoo sent him a message saying he’ll be able to call. After spending almost a week of only exchanging pictures and messages, no one can blame Chanyeol for being too eager to hear his boyfriend’s voice again. The song he’s writing is also going just fine. Though it’s not perfect, he thinks he’s getting somewhere and that’s progress at least.

Except, his hype dies down the moment Kyungsoo’s face appears on the screen, cheeks hollowed and eyes droopy. There’s barely any spark in those dark, round eyes he loves so much.

Chanyeol frowns. “Soo,” he starts, thumb grazing the screen of his phone gently like how he used to do it to Kyungsoo. “You’re losing weight. Are you even eating?”

Kyungsoo takes off his glasses, setting them on the bedside table before he finally looks at his boyfriend with a soft but tired smile. “I’m fine, Chanyeollie. I do eat a lot but I’ve been spending a lot of time at the library. We have been doing research for almost a week now.”

Chanyeol’s heart clenches as he takes in his boyfriend’s appearance. He didn’t know Kyungsoo back in college, only met him through his friends last summer when they all got together. He has no way of knowing what he was like as a student. He figured he would be diligent, hardworking and a perfectionist, but not to the extent the extent that he fails to look after himself.

“I know you need to get things done but, please, don’t forget to take care of yourself. You look like you haven’t been sleeping either.”

Kyungsoo smiles a little wider, nodding his head. “I will. You don’t need to worry. I can hear the wheels in your head turning from here.”

Chanyeol pouts, rolls on his side and places his hand under his head. “I can’t not worry. You tend to miss your meals when you get too caught up with work.”

“Should I send you pictures of my every meal so you don’t worry?” he teases, lips tilting up slightly. “Seriously, I’m fine. I just lose weight easily when I move around too much—” Kyungsoo looks up from the screen when when there’s a knock on his door. “Hold on for a bit, I’ll just see who it is.”

Kyungsoo puts his phone down on the bed, leaving Chanyeol with nothing to look at but white on his screen. He can’t hear a thing and he wonders who would come over to his dorm so late. Chanyeol tries not to think about it, knowing it won’t do him any good, so he waits, humming to some random song that pops in his head.

Kyungsoo comes back a few minutes later, grabbing his phone and leaning back on the headboard just like how he was before he left. “I’m sorry. My classmate borrowed my notes because he wasn’t in class earlier.”

“Oh, it’s okay. You don’t need to apologize. But isn’t it like, almost twelve already? Why did he just get it now?” He asks, curious, though he doesn’t want to be nosy.

“Twelve is actually still early here. He just got back from work I guess? He was still wearing that pizza place’s uniform.”

“Ohh,” he breathes out once again. “It’s really different there, huh? I’m happy you’re settling down well.”

Kyungsoo shrugs, pulling his legs up to his chest and grabbing a pillow to rest on. “It’s really hard but I guess I’m starting to get used to it? They speak too fast, and other times I don’t know the words they use. It’s a pain I have to make them repeat it slowly for me.”

He can feel his struggle and it’s not him that’s going through it. Chanyeol can only imagine how much Kyungsoo has to deal with, how he has to keep up with people he barely knows in some other place that’s foreign to him. He wishes he was there to comfort him, to make him feel like he has someone to go back home to after a very tiring day.

“I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it. You’re Doh Kyungsoo. I believe in you, baby,” he says with a smile, hoping that it would at least help assure and comfort his boyfriend even for a bit. He’s so far away. His only weapon would be his words.

It does make Kyungsoo smile a little wider, warmer and it brings out a soft laughter from him. Chanyeol counts it as a win. “Thank you. I know you’re my no. 1 fan.”

 

It’s a dead hour at the café. Chanyeol decides that he should use the time to do other things than wait for customers that he’s sure won’t arrive. Their usual customers are students from nearby schools and during this time, they’re mostly in classes leaving the café a dead sea of empty chairs.

Wendy appears beside him, leaning against the cold granite counter he’s cleaning, with a smile that Chanyeol knows so well. “Chan,” she calls out sweetly. “Do you think you can cover my shift tomorrow night? I’ll cover your Friday night and your Saturday shift!”

His hand stops from moving, head turning to face the lady. “You know I don’t cover Thursdays,” he replies with a frown. “It’s the one day I asked the manager because Kyungsoo doesn’t have classes.”

It was hard persuading their manager to give him a specific day off. They usually have random ones, sometimes chucked in the middle of the weekend and other times during the weekend. It’s never the same day for every week. God knows Junmyeon only let him because he dropped Kyungsoo’s name while telling him the reason why.

Wendy pouts, tilting his head cutely. “Please please please? Even if I beg?”

“Sorry, Wendy. But even if you beg, I’m not going to.” Chanyeol says with finality. He continues wiping the counter while Wendy stomps away towards the kitchen.

 

Chanyeol gets home later that night. Kyungsoo said he needed to be at school earlier to get things done so he wouldn’t be able to call at the usual time. Chanyeol busies himself watching anime he needs to catch up on, laying on his side on the bed, earplugs in and phone held in one hand.

The frequency of Kyungsoo’s calls has been dwindling and Chanyeol is really trying to understand that he’s busy and he needs to get things done, but sometimes, his emotions get the better of him. Hence why he tries to distract himself with whatever he can, even if it’s bothering his friends or cleaning his room, as long as he can take his mind off things for a bit.

He didn’t realize that he dozed off, waking up with his phone in hand. He checks it for any messages from Kyungsoo but there’s none. He checks the time. 3:39 AM.

Chanyeol lies on his back, staring at the ceiling and thinking whether Kyungsoo will ever call. He waits for a few more minutes, continuing with the episode he left on before he fell asleep. The waiting turns to half an hour, still nothing.

Chanyeol decides to go back to sleep.

 

Chanyeol had to drag himself out of bed. He hasn’t been sleeping a lot recently and not because of the reason he hopes it would be.

Recently, he has been waiting for Kyungsoo’s calls, staying up later and hoping that he would at least spare a few minutes to talk to him. He tried to sleep, he always tries when it goes past midnight but he can’t. The wheels in his head won’t stop feeding him ideas and as much as he wants to shut them all off, it keeps him awake for God knows how long until he gets too exhausted to even think at all.

He understands that Kyungsoo is busy, that he barely even has time to eat. All he wants is for him to tell him that he couldn’t make it on time, that he wouldn’t be able to send him a message or drop a call. It wouldn’t even take him a minute to shoot a one liner or two. Chanyeol would definitely understand if that’s the case.

Instead, he gets nothing and that’s what throws him off.

“Sleep is a thing you know?” Jongdae says as he walks up to the counter to order a drink. “You look like the walking dead, Chan.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “May I take you order?” he asks instead, ignoring his question because he really doesn’t have anything to say to that. Besides, he needs to follow the protocol first before anything.

Jongdae shoots him a pointed look. “Seriously, you need to sleep. Tell Kyungsoo to call in the morning or something,” he chastises, shaking his head. “And give me an iced latte with a puff of caramel syrup and... an americano. Minseok-hyung is being grumpy because I woke him up.”

“You deserve that,” Chanyeol replies after telling Jongdae the amount he has to pay and receiving the money from the other.

Chanyeol stays silent about it, ignores the urge to say something back because he knows that it’s of no use. Kyungsoo is busy. Kyungsoo will always be busy and Chanyeol will always be left waiting, accepting. As much as he doesn’t want to be that kind of boyfriend who demands for his time, sometimes, it gets harder to hold back and tell him that he’s still there, that even if he doesn’t ask for more time, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want it, that he’s not craving for it.

Jongdae moves to the other side of the counter to wait for his order. But as he does, he can’t help but look at his friend.

Chanyeol’s features had always been something Jongdae envied but right now, he doesn’t feel that same feeling of wanting to be him. With his sagged shoulders and bloodshot eyes, he can’t see a trace of the Chanyeol that brimmed with energy no matter the time and place, even when he was lacking sleep.

This Chanyeol just looks... dead.

The barista calls for his name and it takes Jongdae from his silent observation. He greets him with a catlike smile and takes the cups of coffee being handed to him. After saying his thanks, he passes by Chanyeol and raises one cup to bid his goodbye. “I’ll see you later, buddy! Get some sleep!”

 

“Hello, stranger,” Chanyeol greets Kyungsoo when his face appears on his screen, a wide smile on his face as he looks at his boyfriend.

They haven’t talked in days but to Chanyeol it feels even longer than that. He was used to always being with Kyungsoo, always feeling his warmth pressed against his own and his scent sifting right through his nostrils.

For the past year, Kyungsoo has been a vital part of his life. His mornings were filled with messages from the other, early greetings and asking how he was or if he slept well. That was his routine for almost a year and it had only gotten worse when they finally got together.

Getting used to not having those proves to be harder than Chanyeol thought.

Kyungsoo’s lips curve up at the corners, and just like that Chanyeol is too far gone to even think of anything else than talking to the man of his dreams for however long he can.

“You’re silly, Chanyeollie,” his boyfriend brings out with a shake of his head.

It has been a while since he heard that line, something that Kyungsoo often used when Chanyeol is, in fact, being silly. The tone of Kyungsoo’s voice is like a broken record playing in his brain; even the way his nose scrunches and how soft chuckles spill past his plump lips after he speaks could be played in Chanyeol’s head very vividly. He would probably recognize them even in his sleep.

Chanyeol’s face splits into the widest grin, his hundreds of teeth showing and his dimple makes a show as he moves his face closer to the camera of his phone. “I totally forgot what you look like, damn.”

As if Chanyeol would ever forget it. He knows Kyungsoo down to the last mole on his body. There’s just no way a few weeks would make him lose all those memories he keeps to himself.

“I missed your annoying face,” Kyungsoo brings out, smiling wide. “What have you been up to? You look like you lost weight.”

There’s a frown on the younger boy’s face, one that shows concern but at the same time disapproval. It’s not that Chanyeol had been negligent in taking care of himself; he has been hitting the gym more these days during his free time to keep him occupied. He’s healthier than ever.

“I’ll have you know I’m doing my best to be healthy,” he says proudly, huffing. “You’ll be surprised when you see me next time.”

Kyungsoo has to keep himself from laughing because Chanyeol looks like he’s really proud of what he’s doing, even telling him that he’ll be surprised. He doesn’t know what he’s up to but he decides to roll with what his boyfriend is saying. “Oh you know I love surprises, Yeollie.”

“I know,” he drawls.

That smirk on Chanyeol’s face sends Kyungsoo’s eyebrows up. “Whatever this is has to be really good if you’re being all cocky about it. Do I get a clue?”

Chanyeol pretends to ponder for it for a minute, pinching his chin in between his fingers before he finally shakes his head. “I guess not. I just know you will like it.”

Kyungsoo snorts. “Stingy. On another note, I do wish you were here right now, Chanyeollie,” Kyungsoo sighs, cupping his cheek with one hand, eyes on his boyfriend’s face on the screen. “It’s getting colder and I miss having you wrapped around me.”

Chanyeol never wished for something to be true, that he was right there with Kyungsoo, his arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s petite figure just like how Kyungsoo wanted it, too. He loves enveloping him in warm hugs, pressing kisses on his shoulder and on top of his head and whatever else he can access at the moment. It is something that Chanyeol misses the most now that Kyungsoo is away, the proximity, the gentle touches.

“Time flies by fast, Soo. Next thing we know, you’ll be here with me already. We just gotta hang in there.”

Kyungsoo smiles at that, the kind that radiates warmth all throughout Chanyeol’s body just from seeing it. He knows Kyungsoo will be gone for at least four years, but he can hang in there. He has to hang in there.

 

Baekhyun has been looking at him weirdly since he arrived in the café. It sort of creeps him out that he’s not taking his eyes off him. It’s even weirder that his attention is focused on someone else that isn’t his boyfriend, more so that the person he decided to give it to is him.

“You seem better these days,” Baekhyun observes, his eyes still trained on Chanyeol while he cups his cheek in one hand. “Things going great with Kyungja?”

The past days, Kyungsoo has been calling him more. Their usual schedule still isn’t followed but he drops a call for about a few minutes just to update him on his day. After weeks, Chanyeol is finally receiving the attention that he craves for and he doesn’t even need to ask. He knows at one point, Kyungsoo will come around and give it to him when he has time.

It’s hard enough that he can’t be with Kyungsoo whenever he wants to, the only way he can cope is talking to him, to get that assurance that they’re still good.

He heard a lot of stories about long distance relationships not lasting and it fucked him really good that he tries so hard not to let his relationship with Kyungsoo just go down the drain like that.

The first weeks were the hardest for him, getting used to not having his boyfriend beside him when he sleeps and not seeing it the moment he wakes up. It hit him like a damn truck that Kyungsoo isn’t with him, that he’s far away, that he’s out of his reach.

He has to play Kyungsoo’s recorded song on his phone to lull him. It calms him down and makes him think that his boyfriend is singing him to sleep.

Chanyeol looks up from what he’s reading with a smile on his face. “Where’s Yixing-hyung?”

Baekhyun kicks him under the table. “Don’t change the subject!”

Chanyeol glares at him and kicks him back. “I’m not. I just rarely see you without him.”

Baekhyun huffs, leaning against the plush cushion of the chair he’s sitting on. “He said he needs to run errands for his mom. I’ll meet him later for dinner.”

“It’s so weird not seeing you two together. You’re like a plus one of each other,” he says in amusement, eyes growing wide dramatically.

“You’re one to talk, you and Kyungsoo were were.”

Chanyeol scoffs. “Well we aren’t now, are we?”

Baekhyun regrets saying it because he might have grazed a touchy subject. But Chanyeol doesn’t seem to be affected by it so he shrugs it off and lets it go. “I guess. How are you guys anyway? You seem perkier so I take it everything’s going well.”

“Everything is these past few days,” he replies, closing the manga he’s reading since he knows he won’t be able to concentrate with Baekhyun interrogating him. “I think they kind of have a slow week at school so he we’re able to talk more.”

“You mean you don’t talk every day?”

Baekhyun missed the way Chanyeol’s body stiffened for a moment before his shoulders roll in a shrug. “We used to during the first weeks, but classes kicked in. You already know this”

“Of course,” Baekhyun relents, nodding. “I’m glad you’re both handling it well.”

Chanyeol wants to say he isn’t but there’s really no need for that, not when he’s mind completely went from being cleared of those thoughts to suddenly filled with them.

“It’s only for four years. We’ll pull through,” Chanyeol tells him. He’s not sure though if he’s saying it to Baekhyun, or convincing himself that they could.

 

Chanyeol wakes up to a call from Kyungsoo. It’s 3pm and he took a nap because the night before had been exhausting. There was a problem with one of the machines at work and Junmyeon told him to see it through until the mechanic, which is actually his boyfriend Kris, was done fixing it.

He couldn’t say no so he sucks it up and stayed at work until almost two in the morning. He tried to call Kyungsoo but the other wasn’t answering so he decided to just call it a day. It was well in the afternoon anyways, he figured his boyfriend would be in class.

“Soo?” he answers with a raspy voice, his tone a little deeper from sleep than his usual.

“Oh- did I wake you up? I can call later,” Kyungsoo considers, fumbling with the phone in his hand.

Chanyeol is quick to get to attention, telling Kyungsoo right away that it’s okay. He won’t pass up the chance to talk to him.. “No- no, it’s okay. What’s up? It’s like three in the morning there, why are you still up?”

Kyungsoo bites his lip. “I just want to talk to you, and maybe see you.”

Chanyeol’s heart could burst from how adorable his boyfriend is being. He chuckles. “Let me fix my hair first before we video call, okay?”

“I want to see you right now,” Kyungsoo demands.

“But Soo-“ he whines.

“Right. Now. It’s freezing out here, Chanyeollie, please open the door.”

“You know where the key is—wait what? You’re here?” Chanyeol’s eyes grow bigger, his eyes immediately finding the door as if Kyungsoo will magically show himself in.

“Yes I am, nerd. Please open the door now!”

Chanyeol has never run out to get the door so fast he almost tripped on his gym bag that’s on the floor.

He would’ve thought Kyungsoo is playing a prank on him but when he opens the door, his boyfriend is standing there in the flesh, his coat tightly wrapped around his small frame, suitcase settled right beside him.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo greets with a smile.

Chanyeol doesn’t bother to respond and throws himself to Kyungsoo, strong arms caging the smaller man in a tight hug. God, he missed having him this close. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re coming home?”

Kyungsoo wraps his arms tightly around his boyfriend’s torso, breathing in his scent. “That wouldn’t be a surprise now, would it?”

He pulls away, looking at Kyungsoo before he pulls him inside.

“And what about school?” he asks.

Kyungsoo takes his suitcase, leaving it by the door after he closed it behind him. “It’s Thanksgiving. So I’ll be here for a week or so,”

Chanyeol beams. “You’re staying with me right?”

“I mean, unless you don’t want me to I can crash with Baek.”

“Definitely not!” he blurts out quickly to reject the idea. “You’re staying with me. God I missed you so much!”

Chanyeol doesn’t miss the way Kyungsoo’s eyes scan his frame. He’s wearing a muscle shirt when the weather is already cold enough for that kind of outfit. A cocky smile tugs at the corner of his lips as he lets his boyfriend’s eyes linger on his toned body a little more.

Kyungsoo’s eyes finally lift up to meet his, an appreciative smile on his face. “I wanted to surprise you but I like your surprise even more.”

“I did tell you, you’ll like it,” he says and pulls Kyungsoo by the hands so he can wrap his arms around him again.

Kyungsoo giggles, humming as he buries his face on his chest. “I sure do. Maybe I can personally check it out later?”

Chanyeol pulls away so he can look down at him, urging Kyungsoo to look up at him. “Whatever you want to do, baby,” he assures him before leaning down to press his lips on his.

Just like that, sparks fly everywhere around Chanyeol as he finally feels his boyfriend’s soft, plump lips against his.

“Baekhyun is still annoying.” Kyungsoo comments with a laugh, his finger tracing circles on Chanyeol’s chest. He can hear his boyfriend’s heartbeat and Kyungsoo swears that it’s one of the prettiest sounds he has ever heard--apart from his moans that is.

Baekhyun clings to him the whole time they were in the café leaving Chanyeol no choice but to sit across them. Besides, he still has a week with Kyungsoo and he’s going to be staying with him so he can have all the time in the world to spend with his boyfriend after they’re done at the café.

“Did you really think he will stop being annoying in just a few months? You’ve known him for years and nothing changed,” he points out playfully.

They’re now laying in bed, naked limbs tangled under the blanket. Kyungsoo stayed true to his word that he will personally check out his body. Not that Chanyeol complains, he boasted about it to everyone else and to have Kyungsoo appreciate his hard work makes it all worth it.

Kyungsoo hums. “You have a point,”

“I always have a point,” Chanyeol states cockily.

“And your point is?” He grins.

“That I always have a point,” he reiterates.

They’re just being silly this time, but Chanyeol wouldn’t change it for the world. He missed Kyungsoo so much that even the silliest he would do if it means he would get to spend another moment with him.

“You know I think you felt that I would be coming home,” Kyungsoo ponders for a moment.

“How so?”

“You have a whole ass box of condoms, baby. What are you going to use them for?” he points out, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

Chanyeol poked his side.“I didn’t know! I recently bought it because I thought you’d be here for Christmas. I didn’t want to forget but I’m glad I bought them early.”

Kyungsoo nods, a smirk easing up on his pretty face as he lets his hand travel down south, gripping Chanyeol’s flaccid cock. “It’d be a waste if we don’t use them all, wouldn’t it?”

It sends a shiver down Chanyeol’s spine but he can’t say he doesn’t find it hot. He missed Kyungsoo so much that he doesn’t even care at this point if all they do is fuck. “You’re insatiable my ass is still sore, Soo!”

“Doesn’t seem like it when you were begging for more just a few minutes ago,” Kyungsoo drawls, his fingers gripping his boyfriend’s length a little tighter as he strokes him to hardness. “Come on, baby. Is that all your gym sessions are for? I’m a little disappointed.”

“S-shut up,” Chanyeol grits, his head thrown back on the pillow as Kyungsoo starts showering kisses on his chest, his tongue flicking over his hardening nipples.

“I love that your body can’t lie at all, Chanyeollie,” Kyungsoo giggles.

Chanyeol couldn’t do anything but whimper at every touch, at every twist of his hand on his cock. Every upstroke sends a jot of sensation all throughout his body, the kind he craves and longs for.

Kyungsoo picks up his pace, stroking him faster while his lips continue to leave wet trails on his body until he reaches his neck. Chanyeol is sure he will look like some animal did it to him with the amount of marks Kyungsoo has already left on his skin. It seems he doesn’t have any plan on stopping soon, too.

“S-Soo, please. Stop teasing and just get to it,” he moans out, the words leaving his lips in bouts of breath.

Kyungsoo looks at him, finally stopping his devouring Chanyeol’s neck. “What is it, baby? We already talked about using your words, didn’t we?”

Sometimes, he hates that Kyungsoo has this much effect on him, that he wants him to much to follow whatever it is he wants him to do. He easily bends on his will, he doesn’t even need to repeat himself for Chanyeol to do what he’s told.

“I want you inside me. I can’t take it anymore,” he breathes out.

“I thought you’re already sore, baby? Are you going to be okay?”

Kyungsoo is definitely mocking him and it proves to be true when he looks up to clearly see his face. Sure enough, there’s a cocky smile plastered on his face.

“Please just fuck me- I’ll- I’ll come if you keep doing that.”

“Since you ask nicely,” Kyungsoo grins. He leans over to take a packet from the box and tears it open, rolling the thin material down his cock. “I didn’t think we’d use that much in day one.”

Kyungsoo grabs the bottle of lube he discarded on the bed and pours a good amount on his cock slicking it properly before he’s aligning himself into his boyfriend’s puckered hole, slowly pushing his way in until he’s fully sheathed in his warmth for the fourth time that night.

 

Chanyeol has never felt so exhausted. Even when Kyungsoo was still in Seoul, they never had this much activity. They weren’t squished in one whole day and definitely not a few days in a row. Chanyeol barely saw the sunlight from outside his apartment, only staying in bed with Kyungsoo, cuddling, fucking. They get out of bed to eat and then they’re back on his bed again doing the same routine.

“Are you really just going to fuck me while you’re here? Is that why you came home?” Chanyeol huffs while they’re cuddled on the couch, a random anime playing on the tv.

Kyungsoo pops chips in his mouth, shrugging. “It’s almost half a year without sex, Chanyeollie. What did you expect? I need to get my fair share while I’m here.”

“I can’t believe I asked Junmyeon-hyung to let me have the week off so I can spend it with my boyfriend but I’m being kept here as a sex slave!” Chanyeol states dramatically.

Kyungsoo turns to him. “Are you complaining?”

“Yes-“

“What a liar. You were begging me last night to fuck you even harder –“

Chanyeol is quick to cover Kyungsoo’s mouth with his hands, completely shutting him up. “God! Stop, why are you like this?”

Kyungsoo takes his hand off his mouth before he bursts out laughing, kissing the palm of his boyfriend’s hand before linking their fingers. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

Chanyeol’s heart swells with happiness right now being with Kyungsoo like this. He doesn’t want him to go. He doesn’t want to go back to square one when he leaves. It’s going to be another few weeks of withdrawal and he thinks he couldn’t bear that again.

“Shut up,” he shoots back weakly.

He shifts on the couch, resting his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder as he stares blankly at the screen, his thumb tracing circles on the back of his boyfriend’s hand.

 

To say the least, their week was spent mostly at home and sometimes hanging out with their friends and eating out, going to movies and even visiting the café Chanyeol works at because Kyungsoo said he missed his manager who, in return, seems to be more amorous to Kyungsoo than him.

He can’t blame him, Kyungsoo really is very charming in his own way.

Now that the time has come again for Kyungsoo to leave, Chanyeol wishes he doesn’t have to let him go. It all feels like déjà vu as he stands there in the middle of the airport, looking down at his boyfriend who’s about to depart. And just like the last time it happened, it leaves a sick feeling in stomach, as if he’s going to throw up at the thought of Kyungsoo leaving him another time.

Chanyeol sniffs. “Do you really have to leave?”

“I’ll be back again before you know it,” Kyungsoo assures him, using his words against him.

“Can’t you put me in your luggage?”

Kyungsoo laughs, shaking his head at his boyfriend. He really doesn’t know how he can leave him when he’s being like this. He makes it harder for him to go. “Baby, your limbs wouldn’t fit even if I chop you part by part,” he says playfully. “Please stop crying, okay? I did all those things so you’ll remember that feeling for at least a few weeks.”

Chanyeol shrieks and puts a hand on his mouth. “Please! Get your head out of the gutter, Soo! I’m being emotional here.”

Kyungsoo chuckles against his palm before he pulls his hand away. “Cute- but I really need to go. I’ll send you a message when I land.”

For the second time, Chanyeol can only watch Kyungsoo’s back as he retreats to the gates.

 

Things started to go back to how they were when Kyungsoo went back and not in a good way. Kyungsoo gets lost in school work, drowns in papers and essays and runs on very little sleep. Chanyeol thinks that it’s how things are in the United States but having no time for him at all seems to be a little extreme even for a busy college student.

As much as possible, Chanyeol doesn’t want to be that kind of guy but it’s hard when he’s the kind of person who lives off of attention and affection. He wants--needs--to always be assured of his status with a person no matter if it’s the romantic kind or the purely platonic ones.

The past weeks, he doesn’t get it that much. Not when Kyungsoo is too busy to even talk to him, to even send him a message asking how he is.

Whenever they talk, Kyungsoo will dive right in to a conversation about school, about his project and basically everything about him. Don’t get him wrong, he’s happy and proud of whatever his boyfriend is doing, what he has achieved. Kyungsoo is a very passionate guy and Chanyeol understands the enthusiasm behind his stories. But there’s a heavy feeling in his chest as the other talks about himself. Almost a week of not talking to Chanyeol and he never even asked how his week had been.

Kyungsoo didn’t even know that Chanyeol spilled hot water on his arm when he dropped a cup. His manager and his coworkers were all worried, even the few customers came closer to ask if he was okay.

But Kyungsoo never asks and Chanyeol doesn’t bring it up because his boyfriend is having the time of his life and he’s not going to worry him over something so minor.

 

After that night, Kyungsoo goes back to ignoring Chanyeol’s existence. At least, for the most part. He would send messages a few times a day. Sometimes, he won’t get anything from at all. Chanyeol starts to get used to it, doesn’t think too much about it at this point even when he feels neglected every time he sends Kyungsoo and gets no response.

All his selcas, all the pictures he sends to him are all left on seen. And the moment Kyungsoo replies back to him, it’s about a totally different topic and without saying a word about the things he sent.

Chanyeol tells himself it’s okay. He’s just busy.

Christmas comes around and Chanyeol is hopeful that he will get to talk to Kyungsoo. It’s going to be their first Christmas together as a couple and to say that he’s excited greeting him when the clock strikes twelve would be an understatement.

Chanyeol is a sucker for these things, he’s very sentimental and treasures little moments and items that hold a special meaning to him. He thinks the first Christmas with Kyungsoo, even though he’s not with him physically, deserves to be on his list of things to cherish.

His phone is already charged up and ready, waiting for the clock to hit twelve am. He’s spending Christmas with his family just like every year. And while they’re talking about anything that happened the past year and what they expect in the year that’s coming, Chanyeol is already too eager to call his boyfriend.

Yoora, his sister, turns to him to envelope him in a hug when it’s officially Christmas time. Thanking him for the past year and saying sorry for arguments the two of them had. They greet their parents the same way, thanking them. He gives them the gifts he bought for them before he excuses himself, tells them he’s going to call Kyungsoo which his family doesn’t seem to mind.

Chanyeol thumbs on his phone, looking for his boyfriend’s contact before hitting call. He’s smiling so wide, feet tapping on the floor as he waits for Kyungsoo to pick up. But five rings later, six rings, no Kyungsoo comes on the other line. Chanyeol’s smile slowly falters, hanging up when he finally reaches his voice mail. He tries to call a few more times but still to no avail.

Chanyeol gives up after the seventh call, slipping his phone in his pocket after sending a simple greeting to Kyungsoo as if the sudden appearance and disappearance of his boyfriend doesn’t bother him at all, as if the unsettling feeling that’s starting to build in the pit of his stomach doesn’t exist.

He takes a deep breath, squaring his shoulders as he tells himself. “You’re not petty, Chanyeol. You’re not a kid. Suck it up.”

 

It is one of those days where Chanyeol is having a bad day. A rare case when Chanyeol is involved seeing how happy the man’s disposition in life has always been. But there are always ups and downs to it. And when Chanyeol is on a low, it really hits the bottom.

He’s tired, exhausted. His mom has been sent to the hospital due to over fatigue. At least, that’s what the initial findings are. It turns out, his mom has been working more hours than she used to for reasons they still don’t know. She refuses to tell them and they know better than to pry.

To say the least, it’s not the right moment for Kyungsoo to be calling him out of nowhere, for him to immediately go on about his day. But Chanyeol really is in no mood to talk, especially not to Kyungsoo. Even if he doesn’t want to be rude, he’s not thinking straight and hearing his boyfriend’s happy stories only gets under his nerve.

“I’m okay, Kyungsoo. Thank you for asking.” He snaps sarcastically while his boyfriend is in the middle of talking that made the other leave the words hanging in the air unfinished.

“What?” Kyungsoo asks in confusion.

Chanyeol scoffs. “Aren’t you going to ask how my week is? How I’m doing? I’m happy you’re enjoying yourself out there but I hope you know I still exist.”

“Is anything wrong? You seem pissy.” Kyungsoo says tentatively.

“Everything’s great. But I’m tired so I guess I’ll just talk to you whenever you get another free time.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t get to say anything back. Chanyeol already hangs up, leaving him with a million question floating over his head. Chanyeol has never used that tone on him; he never once acted that way towards him.

Kyungsoo puts his phone down on the table, rolling on the bed and ignoring that sinking feeling, as if something is trying to pull him down and keep him from swimming up the surface.

 

Chanyeol’s day started off great. His mom got discharged, they ate breakfast together, Yoora drove him to work. It’s the most normal it has been in almost a week that he’s grateful he can finally get some rest, breathe and not think about anything at all.

But he didn’t expect a raging Baekhyun barging inside the café while they are closing.

“What the fuck was that?” Baekhyun demands, a ready glare thrown at him as he makes his over to him, shoving him.

Yixing walks closely behind him, trying to hold back his boyfriend’s temper.

Chanyeol looks at him, confused. “What was what?”

Baekhyun pokes hard on his chest, making him take a step back. Yixing holds onto him even tighter. “Don’t play dumb, I know you and Kyungsoo haven’t been talking.”

“Do we need to talk every day?”

“You know what I mean—”

Yixing squeezes Baekhyun’s arm to stop him from saying anything and shakes his head.

“If there’s a problem, I think you should talk to him about it, Yeol. You won’t fix anything like this.”

He really doesn’t want to talk to Yixing right now. Out of all his friends, he’s the one that’s most sensible, the one who thinks with a clear mind. He’s not like his boyfriend who resorts to putting blame right off just because someone tells him something about their relationship as if he knows everything about it.

Chanyeol shrugs. “I would if only he actually has time to talk to me, you know?”

Baekhyun slowly relaxes in Yixing’s hold, turning his head to look at his boyfriend.

Yixing speaks. “Don’t you think that’s all the more reason to talk to him?”

“I don’t want to be that kind of boyfriend that demands his time. I want him to at least tell me what has been going on. I don’t care if we talk for five minutes every day or every other day. He doesn’t even call at all!” Chanyeol snaps, throwing the rag that he’s using to wipe the table and marches behind the counter.

If he thinks this will stop Baekhyun, it doesn’t. It only fuels his anger even more. “Well you’re being an asshole right now for ignoring Kyungsoo! He’s been worried about you and here you are acting like a damn brat!”

“Baekhyun-“ Yixing warns softly.

“No! he has to know that he’s being a jerk. He doesn’t say anything but he expects Kyungsoo to understand? He’s a big joke!”

Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun after he takes in everything that he has said, just accepting everything before he asks. “Tell me, does Yixing-hyung ask you how you are whenever he’s away?”

Baekhyun looks at him, confused but he answers anyway.“Of course he does. Why wouldn’t he?”

“Kyungsoo doesn’t.” he replies simply with a shrug. “You can make me the bad guy all you want. I don’t really care at this point.”

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, biting his lip. When he turns to Yixing, the older man gives him a pointed look and shakes his head disapprovingly.

 

Chanyeol just finished a warm bath after walking with Toben at the park the whole afternoon. Since work usually ends late, he often doesn’t have time to stroll with his little pup. So when he finds time earlier that day, he took it without a second thought.

He’s currently drying his hair with a towel when his phone rings, his boyfriend’s face lighting up the screen when he checks who it is.

He hesitantly answers the call.

“Thank, God. I thought you’re still not going to answer.” Kyungsoo sighs in relief. “I missed you! What have you been up to lately?”

It is evident in Kyungsoo’s voice that he’s happy to be talking to Chanyeol again after a while. It has been at almost two weeks since they last talked over the phone.

“Nothing much, just work,” Chanyeol replies briefly.

“Oh, you haven’t been answering my calls so I thought you have been busy with something else.”

Chanyeol throws his towel on the hamper. “You also don’t answer my calls sometimes you didn’t hear me complain about it.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to make of it, what to say or what to think. Chanyeol has been acting weird towards him for weeks now and it’s really messing up with his brain. If they have a problem, he wants to fix it right away.

Kyungsoo bites his lip. “Do we have a problem?”

Chanyeol hopes he never has to have this conversation, he doesn’t even know if he’s ready to have this at all. He’s very emotional when he has to talk about his feelings and dealing with it right now when it’s all heightened and on its peak doesn’t seem to be a good idea to him.

“We don’t. You got busy, I got busy. It happens, Kyungsoo.”

“I mean, if I did something, please tell me. I can’t bear seeing you act like this.”

“We’re fine. I’m a little tired right now. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” he says in an attempt to avoid talking about it further.

Kyungsoo only hums before he hears the beep from the other line. He’s already losing his mind and he still doesn’t know what he did to make Chanyeol act this way. Kyungsoo calls Jongdae next, the tears he didn’t know he has been holding back finally breaks the dam when his friend’s voice comes on the other line.

 

“You can stop being an ass to, Kyungsoo, you know that?” Jongdae bellows when he enters through Chanyeol’s apartment door.

Sometimes, he regrets giving them access to his keys. He should remember to change his passcode.

Chanyeol switches channels, looking for a good show to watch and tries to remain unbothered that his friends all think that he’s being a jerk to Kyungsoo.

He throws the remote on the empty space of the couch beside him. “If you’re here to lecture me, you’re too late. Baekhyun already did,” he informs him.

“You’ve never been like this, Chanyeol. What’s really up with you?”

Chanyeol turns his head to look at him, shrugging. “I’m surprised Baekhyun hasn’t told you. He always gossips about these things.”

“Chan,” Jongdae warns.

He stands up from the couch, turning the tv off. “Look, I’m tired of talking about this. If you want to call me an ass then just call me an ass. Just leave me alone!.”

Chanyeol storms into his room, slamming the door to make Jongdae knows that he’s done talking about it, he doesn’t ever want to talk about it.

He spends the rest of his night on his desk, scribbling things on his notebook to pass time. He knows he’s being childish at this point, refusing to talk to Kyungsoo when it’s the thing he needs to do the most. Chanyeol always believed that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but right now, he doesn’t think he can. He’s afraid of talking to Kyungsoo, of telling him why he’s acting the way he is, of hearing his reaction when he finally lays his worries on the table.

Chanyeol may seem confident to everyone else but he’s a person with so many insecurities and worries. He’s someone who tends to overthink things and gets himself in a very vulnerable position all on his own. He doesn’t need people to do it for him.

After staring at his notebook for a few more minutes, he decides to close it. There’s a whole chunk of words written down but he doesn’t think it’s enough. It frustrates him to no end that he’s been writing it but still couldn’t get the words right.

With a sigh, he pushes the chair back to get on his feet, grabbing the guitar that’s sitting on the foot of his bed. Chanyeol crawls on the bed to lean against the wall, his long fingers wraps around the guitar’s neck as he positions the body on his lap. It has been a week since he last held it, since he last tried to put music to the lyrics.

His fingers strum gently on the strings, the melodious sound filling the room as he hums along to it. The melody is slow, intimate, as if it’s lulling the people who hear it to sleep, making them feel safe, protected.

When Chanyeol reaches the next verse, he starts singing the lyrics he wrote, the lines he kept revising for weeks now, the words he wanted to tell his boyfriend so badly, the things he wants Kyungsoo to know.

 _An ode to the boy I love_  
_Boy, I'll die to care for you_  
_You're mine, mine, mine, tell me who do I owe that to?_  
_And as the days fly by_  
_We'll be more than getting through, yeah_  
_And in time, time, time, we'll build a home for two_

The music is cut off right after the last word left his lips. Chanyeol hit a block the moment Kyungsoo became too busy to spend time with him again. He couldn’t hear music playing in his head, lyrics popping out of nowhere like it used to when he first started writing.

There’s only dead silence ringing whenever he tries to work on it and it is throwing him off. He wants to finish it, wants to give it to Kyungsoo so he can apologize for being a dick. He doesn’t want to be one, not to Kyungsoo at least, not to the person he swore he would cherish and love for as long as he can.

Chanyeol sighs. He puts the guitar back down, making sure it’s safely placed on its rack before lying on the bed, crossing his fingers over his stomach before he’s staring at the ceiling. He needs to sort things out soon, he doesn’t want it to be too late to fix things between them.

 

The past days, Chanyeol wakes up to messages of Kyungsoo asking how he’s been then proceeding to telling him about his day, what he’s going to do for the rest of the week and the project that he’s currently working on.

He does feel bad, he’s not going to lie about that. If there’s anything that he doesn’t want to hear, it’s Kyungsoo’s voice sounding less than enthusiastic. It only makes it worse that he knows he’s the reason why he sounds lifeless, dead. Even when he tries to be perky, Chanyeol could hear the faint sounds of choking, a sign that his boyfriend is trying to hold back his tears. A moments later, Kyungsoo will give him a lame reason on why he needs to hang up and Chanyeol can’t do anything but comply.

Chanyeol takes it upon himself to send Kyungsoo a message first this time. It has been the other way around for a while now so he thinks, switching it up will be a good thing to pick things up so he can start to build it up again. Besides, he’s mainly the reason why their relationship turned out that way, why it’s barely holding onto the last thread that’s keeping them from falling.

_I miss you._

That’s the only thing Chanyeol sent. He doesn’t think he needs to elaborate it any further or say any mushy stuff after it even when he used to. A simple phrase could mean so much more and he hopes it’s enough to convey to Kyungsoo how much he means to him.

Chanyeol, however, didn’t expect Kyungsoo to call so soon. The ring cuts through the silence of the night, startling Chanyeol and taking him away from his thoughts.

He clears his throat before he swipes his thumb on the screen to answer the call.

“I miss you, too,” are the very first words out of Kyungsoo’s mouth. “God, you don’t know how much I missed you, Chanyeollie.” Kyungsoo’s voice wavered at the end, a clear sign that he’s holding back his tears again.

Chanyeol never meant to make his boyfriend cry when he sent the message. He never wanted to make him cry but somehow, he always ends up doing that. All he wants is to assure him that he’s still there, that after being a dick to him, Chanyeol doesn’t want anyone else and wouldn’t want anyone else aside from him.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out. “Can you turn on your video? I want to see you.”

Kyungsoo is quick to say, “No!”

“Okay? You don’t need to reject it that badly, geez,” he replies in a lighter tone.

“I don’t want you to see me right now. I’m ugly,” Kyungsoo reasons out as he wipes the tears that finally roll down his cheeks.

Chanyeol laughs gently, little bouts of breath slipping past his lips. He still doesn’t know how could Kyungsoo think he’s ugly in any way.

In Chanyeol’s opinion, Kyungsoo is easily one of the most beautiful persons he has ever seen. From the moment he first laid eyes on him, his sparkly doe eyes and heart-shaped lips immediately piqued Chanyeol’s interest. Add to that the fact that he has a different kind of humor amongst everyone in their group. He stood out that way even more.

“Babe,” he calls out softly, the term of endearment only makes Kyungsoo shed more tears. Chanyeol panics, quickly trying to find a way to make him stop. “Soo-yah. Please stop,” he brings out gently. “Why are you crying?”

Kyungsoo sniffs, but he can’t stop the tears from falling. He doesn’t usually cry. He’s not like Chanyeol who wears his heart on his sleeve and becomes emotional over little things. So when he lets them out, he doesn’t know how to stop.

“You called me babe,” he whispers.

Chanyeol tries not to laugh but he can’t help it when Kyungsoo is being adorable like this. It’s rare for him to sound so small, to be embarrassed of something he said. Every single time, Kyungsoo is calm and composed, something that Chanyeol isn’t.

For the most part, he’s the one who constantly blushes, red staining his cheeks until he looks like fully riped tomato. He used to think it was unfair, how Kyungsoo had that much effect on him, that a few words from the other could make Chanyeol get on his knees for Kyungsoo and do everything he wanted. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, remained unbothered. It never crossed his mind that he’s just better at keeping his emotions in check unlike him who doesn’t know how to at all.

“Isn’t that what I call you?” he says with a smile, the image of his boyfriend crying even more because of it spreading warmth all over his body, making his heart swell with adoration for the other man.

Kyungsoo sniffles, doing his best to stop himself from crying. He didn’t expect to be this emotional when Chanyeol finally comes back to him. “You haven’t called me that in a long time. I missed it.”

There’s an ache in Chanyeol’s chest, a tight grip that’s squeezing it until it makes it hard for him to breathe. He blames himself. He takes full responsibility because it was him to failed to understand and talk to Kyungsoo about what he’s going through. The evils in his head got the best of him and he doesn’t have anything else to deny that. He let it rule over him.

“Why don’t you turn on the camera now so we can talk properly?” he tries again. “If you tell me again you’re ugly I’m going to fly all the way there just to tell you how beautiful you are and you always will be the most beautiful to me.”

There is silence on the other line leading Chanyeol to think that the call has been cut off. “Kyungsoo-yah?” Nothing. “Babe? Are you still there?”

After a few seconds, Chanyeol hears a beep telling him that someone is requesting for to view his camera, too. Chanyeol quickly allows it and  soon enough, his boyfriend’s swollen eyes and tear stained face comes on the screen.

He smiles softly, his thumb grazing against the screen as if wiping tears off Kyungsoo’s cheek. He would do anything not to see this again, not to be the cause of this man’s pain no matter what.

Chanyeol still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he thought he would be able to live without Kyungsoo, that a world without him would even be possible. Even when he tried to be apart, there’s an empty hole in his chest, a part that he knows only one person could fill.

“I’m sorry,” he tells him softly. “I’m really sorry for being a dumbass. I promise... I promise it will never happen again, baby. I will never not talk to you, or ignore you or... or even think that I don’t mean anything to you.”

Kyungsoo scoffs, sniffs, before he speaks. “I didn’t have a clue why you suddenly grew cold. I couldn’t think of any reason why you would get mad. I was blind not to realize I was doing that to you. I didn’t mean to do make you feel that way.”

“I know.”

“But I’m still sorry. I will be better- and I can’t promise that I will be able to message all the time, but I will let you know. We can compromise, we can make this work. I don’t want to lose you, Chanyeollie,” Kyungsoo says softly, the last words almost a whisper as he looks at his screen. There’s a pause as the other takes his bottom lip in between his teeth before the words, “I want us to last,” leaves those pretty set of lips.

At that moment, Chanyeol knows he’s a goner. Not just for a week, not for a month or even for a year. Kyungsoo made sure that Chanyeol will never a reason to leave him, to have any space for doubts. The sincerity behind those words send shivers all throughout his body and then running deep within. It’s nothing but the truth, and Chanyeol felt it deep in his bones.

“I won’t go anywhere, Kyungsoo-yah,” he assures him, his lips turning up on the corner in a soft smile. “If you still haven’t noticed, I’m clingy and possessive. I won’t let anyone else have you. It will just be me and you.”

Kyungsoo looks like he’s about to cry again so Chanyeol immediately speaks up. “Actually…” he starts, his free hand fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “I actually wrote a song, and since it’s our semi-anniversary—”

He’s cut off by Kyungsoo’s giggles, the other’s shoulder shaking uncontrollably as he tries to swallow the sounds coming from him.

“What?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head but now a bright smile is gracing his beautiful features. “Semi-anniversary? Where did you get that?”

“Shut up. I will call it semi-anniversary, you can’t stop me!” he protests with a huff. “Don’t interrupt me, I’m trying to tell you something.”

“Okay, go on.”

Chanyeol clears his throat. “So I wrote something for you, and I want you to listen to it when we hang up so I can hide for a moment.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen even more, glossy round eyes staring back at Chanyeol. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious. I’ve been writing it a few weeks after you left, but I can’t seem to perfect it.”

“That’s—thank you. I didn’t expect a song, really. Please don’t make me cry even more.”

“I can’t promise,” he says playfully, grin spreading wider across his face. “I guess, I’ll have to hang up now so you can listen to it. Everything I want to say  to you is in there, baby.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t really mind crying, because he knows that this time, they will be tears of joy. His tears will be shed for something his boyfriend did and for him. “I’ll listen to it well,” Kyungsoo assures him, biting his lip as if he wants to say something more. Chanyeol stares at him for a few moment, waiting.

“Chanyeollie?”

He hums, an eyebrow perked in curiosity.

“I love you.”

With that, Kyungsoo immediately pressed the end call button, leaving a very disgruntled Chanyeol on the other line.

Chanyeol stares at his phone, trying to process what he just heard before he whispers, “What the fuck?” and quickly calling back Kyungsoo but doesn’t get any answers nor replies from him.

Chanyeol decided that maybe, it’s time for payback so he sends the file to Kyungsoo, records another short clip and sends it too then lies back on his bed and waits.

Thirty minute has passed then an hour but he doesn’t hear anything from Kyungsoo. He wonders if the other received his song, if he liked it or not, if he got the other voice clip he sent him. It’s making him anxious that it’s taking Kyungsoo such a long time to call him back.

In an attempt to calm his thoughts, Chanyeol grabs his phone and pulled up Kyungsoo’s contact before hitting the call button.

The ringing on the other line feels so long. Two rings. Three. Still no answer. Kyungsoo always answers before the third ring.

Then the other line picks up, Chanyeol sits up on the bed, blurting the first words that come to his mind when he hears his boyfriend’s breathe. “I love you so much, Kyungsoo-yah.”

He doesn’t know why he has to be lame, why he has to be such a loser and say those words without even a pinch of finesse. This isn’t how he imagined saying it for the first time would be.

“You really didn’t have to snap that hard, you that right?” Kyungsoo’s voice comes from the other line. “I should’ve listened to this first before I said those words. The order of things is messed up.”

Chanyeol really doesn’t mind. The order to which things happened is the last thing on his mind right now. What matters is this man and his happiness. It’s all that Chanyeol cares about.

“Really? I didn’t think I went hard on that one,” he feigns innoncence but a smile is tugging at the corner of his lips knowing that Kyungsoo definitely liked it.

“Thank you, Chanyeollie. I loved it so much,” he whispers.

Chanyeol hums. “I just want you to know that I mean everything.”

“Can you sing it for me?”

Chanyeol doesn’t need to be asked twice. He would sing to Kyungsoo all he wants, whenever and wherever he wants. There’s no doubt about that. The other line goes silent while he sings, all he can hear is the other’s breathing, but apart from that, it’s only his voice singing into the silence.

When he reached the end, Kyungsoo immediately speaks up. “You said you  mean everything.”

“I do,” Chanyeol replies in a heartbeat.

“I will be away for a few more years. It will be a long wait.”

“I don’t care.”

“I will get busy and maybe not be able to call you all the time.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just want to be with you Kyungsoo-yah. I realized I’d rather have you like than not have you at all because of my stubborn ass.”

Kyungsoo chuckles, the sound a beautiful melody in Chanyeol’s ear. “You said that. So we’ll build a home for two?”

“In time, Kyungsoo-yah. In time.”


End file.
